


texts from last season

by Anonymous



Category: Succession (TV 2018)
Genre: Multi, Sibling Incest, Texting, canon-typical posttraumatic sense of humor, increasingly less funny jokes about sibling incest, seriously why is everyone not jumping on the Tabitha-Naomi connection, what a weird family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 01:28:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21235877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: naomi: within two months kendall will have told me everything short of his dad's social security numbertabitha: but will he tell you whether he's fucking his sisternaomi: i feel like the PGM/ATN difference has never been so clearly illustratedtabitha: omg fuck you and your family’s many peabodys





	texts from last season

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [All Hands on Deck](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041426) by Anonymous. 

> Blame Discord.
> 
> Also there is a nonzero possibility that this will expand at some point. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_Tern Haven_

**naomi**: kendall and i did a lot of coke and now he wants to fuck me  
**tabitha**: GET IT 🍆  
**naomi**: i mean yes. obviously. but also, is it weird that i have exactly the same haircut as his sister  
**tabitha**: only if he calls out her name  
**tabitha**: also i am one degree of dick away from siobhan myself  
**tabitha**: which would probably worry me more if rome & i were fucking?  
**naomi**: what is his DEAL anyway  
**tabitha**: when i find out you'll be the third person to know  
**tabitha**: probably... ever  
**tabitha**: in history  
**naomi**: has HE ever called out her name  
**tabitha**: no, but i don't have her haircut  
**tabitha**: or her ass  
**tabitha**: or reliable access to his erections  
**tabitha**: which hopefully is not a thing she has either  
**tabitha**: altho seriously if i ever consider marrying anyone  
**tabitha**: i will only say yes if there's a way for my ass to look that bodacious in my wedding dress  
**naomi**: quit fishing. your ass is top shelf.  
**naomi**: i'm sure everyone at your bridal shower/play party will admire it  
**tabitha**: OMG YOU FUCKING NEXT LEVEL GENIUS  
**tabitha**: it 👏 will 👏 happen 👏  
**tabitha**: if nothing else i will actually let roman roy marry me  
**tabitha**: that way i can also 1. drink gin martinis on a balcony in italy looking ultra moody and fitzgerald  
**tabitha**: 2. seduce room service also on a balcony etc.  
**tabitha**: 3. murder logan maybe????  
**naomi**: live the dream, tabs, live the dream.

-

_Dundee_

**tabitha**: kendall is here with someone who isn't you  
**naomi**: i know, it's cool  
**naomi**: unless it's shiv, that would not be cool  
**tabitha**: okay.  
**tabitha**: real question:  
**tabitha**: is this actually... not all that funny?  
**naomi**: honestly I don't know whether it was ever funny  
**naomi**: or whether it's like  
**naomi**: slasher movie laugh so you don't puke, or what.  
**tabitha**: we could... ask?  
**naomi**: i understand direct communication is your religion, but i think if you asked roman whether he had ever had sex with his siblings, he would spontaneously combust  
**naomi**: flames and smoke, the whole thing.  
**tabitha**: yeah i still can't even pin him down on the trainer situation  
**tabitha**: i get close and he swims away in a cloud of bullshit  
**tabitha**: you could ask kendall?  
**naomi**: you really don't understand how to work a source, do you  
**naomi**: you don't ask anything. you just sit there and listen, and they open up  
**naomi**: within two months kendall will have told me everything short of his dad's social security number  
**tabitha**: but will he tell you whether he's fucking his sister  
**naomi**: i feel like the PGM/ATN difference has never been so clearly illustrated  
**tabitha**: omg fuck you and your family’s many peabodys  
**tabitha**: … holy shit  
**tabitha**: i think i gotta capture the fuck out f this moment for you  
**tabitha**: brb 💋💋💋

-

_The Yacht_

**naomi**: well. kendall didn't tell me his dad's social security number.  
**tabitha**: ?  
**tabitha**: wait  
**tabitha**: omg  
**tabitha**: really?????  
**tabitha**: omg  
**tabitha**: okay so  
**tabitha**: i don't know if i was ready for this  
**naomi**: babe sometimes it's really obvious you were raised by like  
**naomi**: humans.  
**naomi**: who assumed you were one of them.  
**tabitha**: excuse you?  
**naomi**: i feel like it's not something a human being should be prepared for.  
**naomi**: so ofc i was pretty much braced for impact like… yesterday…  
**tabitha**: scale of one to ten how triggery are you rn  
**naomi**: where on that scale is "apparently i got my boyfriend into pegging at a really interesting time for him"  
**tabitha**: wtf!!!!  
**naomi**: so technically i could be said to be implicated in many aspects of this.  
**tabitha**: babe…  
**tabitha**: that's an ELEVEN  
**tabitha**: point five  
**naomi**: I mean i get it you know?  
**naomi**: kendall said it himself earlier abt something else.  
**naomi**: it's a wrong kind of love expression.  
**naomi**: that whole family.  
**naomi**: at least they're all consenting adults?  
**tabitha**: soooooo if you want my take  
**tabitha**: the one (1) favor logan roy has ever done anyone  
**tabitha**: 100% accidentally obvi  
**tabitha**: is getting you off that boat  
**naomi**: does it outweigh the part where my funny sweet awkward deeply depressed junkyard fire of a boyfriend is potentially getting fucked up the ass by his sister as we speak  
**naomi**: while their brother jerks off on him/them  
**naomi**: and i don't even think i'm going to break up with him about it.  
**naomi**: since i know for certain that if logan were MY dad i would be WORSE THAN I AM.  
**tabitha**: no  
**tabitha**: but it might put a cap on how much worse it can get  
**tabitha**: also: omg wwwwwwwwtttttttttttffffffffffffff  
**tabitha**: (not @ you)  
**naomi**: @ me all you want  
**naomi**: i'm the one who heard it + asked him if shiv was on the pill  
**naomi**: b/c it's not like he planned in advance to do anything he said they're doing, soooooooo.  
**tabitha**: … see that's prob the least shitty call anyone's made tonight  
**naomi**: i mean. harm reduction. right?  
**naomi**: if you can't be unfuckedup be careful  
**naomi**: -- rejected pierce family mottos.  
**tabitha**: seriously babe i want you to hmu before you board your flight  
**tabitha**: and gimme your eta  
**tabitha**: i will meet you at the airport  
**tabitha**: we'll do that 24hr banh mi place where no one speaks english  
**naomi**: also in the course of events I inadvertently outed roman + gerri  
**naomi**: so that was fun?  
**tabitha**: 😮  
**tabitha**: what about roman and gerri???  
**tabitha**: 🤯🤯🤯🤯  
**naomi**: CAN NO ONE IN OR AROUND THIS FAMILY READ BODY LANGUAGE  
**naomi**: i mean, oh shit, sorry babe.  
**tabitha**: you also meant the other thing tho  
**tabitha**: wow  
**tabitha**: that explains... so much or possibly nothing at all  
**tabitha**: but now you have to try tf to sleep a little, k?  
**tabitha**: banh mi and wine, the minute you get in  
**naomi**: it's a date 😘 see you tomorrow  
**tabitha**: naomi?  
**tabitha**: 💙 you  
**naomi**: 💙 you too.


End file.
